Sheila and Barry came in town for a trip that overlapped with a longer visit from my good old friend from London, Michele. It was fun jumping back in time, giggling about the good old days and all the fun we had, and enjoying a concert and the city of Chicago for four days. It was so nice to be in the city without going to a doctor appointment, as we enjoyed shopping, eating, Starbucks, live entertainment, a boat ride, and even a piano bar. I felt so much more alive and young again, as being with these friends brought me back to my 20s. Michele was also very helpful in helping me organize my home as well as shopping for new bedding and home accents. She and I laughed at the fact that she introduced me to my husband and I introduced her to her ex-husband, who we saw at his Chicago restaurant.
The fun didn't stop there. Two weeks later I went back in the city for another weekend as my Aunt Jan and Uncle Jim were in from Texas to celebrate their 50th anniversary. It was a great evening in a VIP hotel room some 20 stories up with a terrace view of Lake Michigan. It was great to see all my family and cousins who traveled so far. After that party we continued to another hotel where we all went to another party until 3:30 a.m. I didn't realize I still had the stamina in me to party for so long!
The third week of November I went to Florida with Tyler to see my sister Robin in North Port. She lives about 10 minutes from the beach and across the street from a canal. She is the happiest I've seen her in years. She absolutely loves the weather and I could live down there myself in a heartbeat. Her home is just lovely with a 12' wrap-around porch and five acres of land. We went to the beach nearly every other day. Due to my skin cancer, I think I was the only one on the beach facing away from the ocean to avoid the direct sun. It is just so calming to hear the ocean waves and birds.
It was great to spent some quality, fun time with my nieces as well. I was fortunate enough to be in town when Taylor and Olivia performed in a dance show. Brittany also came down to visit from South Georgia. It was so good to see her, though unfortunately she and Taylor were sick that entire time, and were really not up for doing too much activity. It was also great to see my brother-in-law Jordan, as I rarely get to see him.
My favorite memories there were at an outdoor tiki bar with beach games and great tropical drinks. My new favorite drink is a key lime daiquiri. It has key lime liquor and coconut rum, and a splash of pina colada or pineapple juice. It was so good that I had four of them (over two visits).
In addition, since they live near a canal, we saw alligators, egrets, and pelicans almost every day, and yet we also heard roosters from her neighbor's farm. I think one day we counted 12 alligators -- and we're talking 12-14 feet long.
During our stay, the students were asked at the high school if they ever had an exchange student. Taylor raised her hand and the next thing we knew, Robin received an exchange student the day before Thanksgiving. Selena is from Denmark and is staying until the end of the school year in June.
The family is enjoying her and learning all about her culture. Selena is a junior in high school, which is perfect for Olivia (a junior) and Taylor (a senior). Due to the lack of a drinking age in Europe, she's been drinking since 12. She no longer likes tequila or vodka, and has been clubbing for the last two years. I feel like we are much more conservative here, but I'm happy my kids have lived a more conservative life. She also speaks six languages fluently, and has a bigger English vocabulary than Tyler!
Toward the end of our visit, I took a trip with Robin to Downtown Disney while Tyler and his friend Philip went to SeaWorld for the day.
I feel like Florida was the start of my birthday month because from Nov. 20 until Dec. 20, everything was about me. I've gotten together with several sorority sisters for birthdays and holidays. In the neighborhood, we've had several book club meetings and an end-of-year party, and as we celebrate our birthdays with each other, mine was at Wildfire. As a matter of fact, I had six meals out for my birthday in that week. I also went to three holiday parties and two Christmas gift exchanges in December.
Also over the holidays, Sheila and Barry flew in again as did Diana (Dee), and we all got together with Sheila M. and Dee's special surprise guest, who turned out to be another high school friend, Dorsey! We graduated together, her family lived down the street from me, and we used to go ice skating and sledding together.
Unfortunately I lost a dear college friend, Jeff, who passed away in December from a fast-growing brain tumor. His youngest kid is 20. It's so sad that he was such an alive, fun, active guy who died too young.
Oak Grove School had a lot of donations come in on behalf of Alyssa. They planted an abundance of trees/flowers in the junior high area and put in a purple bench swing, which seats about four little kids, and surrounded it with lilacs. They retired her locker and put her name on it. They put in a TV screen displaying student art and other works as Alyssa was very artistically talented. There is $2-3,000 in arts scholarship money that will be awarded in what would have been Alyssa's senior year (2021). In addition, there was a scrapbook composed of pages made by her teachers and classmates; they framed her last piece of art; they had Alyssa tee-shirts made up that are still being worn on the 27th of every month and on her birthday; and at graduation they had a rose on her chair and left an open spot for her on the stage, and they sang the Hallelujah song with the band. There are also two Instagram sites that the children have come up with to share their memories and photos and videos.
In addition to all the school has done, there was also a large group that donated to the VHL Family Alliance (www.vhl.org) in her memory. As a matter of fact, if you still want to donate in honor of Alyssa, they will post it in their newsletter.
At the end of September, I joined a grief support group that was run by The Chapel, a non-denominational church. I found this very helpful as it makes you feel like you're not alone. The ages I've seen there are between 18 and 72, which just goes to show you that grief can hit us all. Unfortunately, I only attended four or five of the meetings before the session ended. I will rejoin starting Jan. 21st.
Though it has been a difficult time grieving the loss of Alyssa, we are convinced there is something (Heaven) when you pass. We have had multiple signs that are reassuring and so comforting. Alyssa's spirit must be a strong one and when you combine that with my blindness, I think I am much more in tuned to my other senses. I have had multiple hellos from her (like a tap on the shoulder). I even had a little plaque fall off the refrigerator onto the floor, which none of us had ever seen before, that says:
My Mom
When I compare my mom
To other mothers that I see,
What a lucky kid I am
That she belongs to me!
I just feel this connection like she was there. Additionally, an unbelievable amount of cardinal birds are being seen by our family as well as everyone Alyssa knew. This really fueled Steve's bird watching interest. Also, one day when Steve was driving, he looked up and saw a cloud that looked like a winged angel and he started taking photos, and as he got underneath it, it looked like Alyssa's face and button nose. She had the cutest nose. I still have dreams of her almost nightly (last night we were swimming at an indoor pool with a slide and a bunny). My house feels like a shrine with angels, artwork, photos, and other things that remind us of her, yet I can't see any of them, and maybe that is why I keep seeing her in my dreams.
Back in April, the person who got Alyssa's lungs sent me a beautiful letter, including how her donation was a gift that was near and dear to their heart. I corresponded back six months later, on Alyssa's birthday, and I'm now waiting to hear if she is interested in meeting. I also wrote a letter to the family of the child who received her liver, who is doing great, and have not yet heard back from them. Alyssa would have been so happy to know that she was able to help others.
Alyssa's birthday, October 24th, was a tough day although it ended up being a better day than I'd thought as we were surrounded by many of our friends. We decided to have Alyssa's friends write out notes to her, which we printed out along with our notes to her, and then we released them with helium Mylar balloons as we sang Happy Birthday. We followed this by going to her favorite baked potato bar. Six families and friends of hers joined in the festivities. Everyone talked about memories of her and we were all able to laugh. Believe it or not, all 18 of us ordered a baked potato! Again, it was a very hard week as we all miss her very much.
As much as I was craving Christmas cookies in December, I made a lot of chocolate pretzel rings for friends. I used to make Christmas cookies with Alyssa and now that she is not here, I had to make something easier. I think it made me miss the cookies that much more.
The Christmas season overall was very blue as I only had to shop for Tyler for the most part, besides some other gifts, and it was unusual not to buy for Alyssa. On Christmas day, it was very awkward because all the presents under the tree were for Tyler except the one he purchased for me, so it felt very different as we normally took turns opening gifts.
When I first talked with Steve about what we should do for Christmas, he said he wasn't going to celebrate it this year. I told him we have another child that we need to celebrate and make new traditions with, but unfortunately he couldn't do it and pretty much stayed in Alyssa's room for the two days. However, he has been more flexible recently as end-of-year sales are slower, so he was able to travel to see his family and spend more time relaxing at home.
We were invited to spend Christmas Eve and Day with my family, yet even Tyler said it would be too hard to go so we ended up staying home. Instead, I think we watched like 20 holiday movies this season. We did go to church as a family, and we even exchanged gifts the day after Christmas. I got some beautiful sweaters and an adorable dress from Tyler, and Steve got me an iPhone 8 Plus and it came with an iPad Pro that is super fast.
The weather kind of goes with our mood. It has been extremely cold, dark, windy and depressing out, although we did have a white Christmas. The single-digit temperatures are no longer anything I want to deal with. I need to fly south like the birds.
Speaking of birds, we have about 100 in our backyard! It is like a bird sanctuary as Steve feeds them daily and has installed a heated birdbath. I don't know how the birds don't freeze up after a bath. We threw a bucket of water in the air and it turned to ice.
Regarding my health, I'm still experiencing eye pain and redness in addition to blood coming through on the iris. The doctor wants to try in a month to do an injection to absorb the blood. If that doesn't work, the only other option is to go in surgically to clean and irrigate the eye.
I had my kidney and lung scans that came out clear with no metastasis seen yet. I recently had an MRI with the brain and spine and will get the results on the 17th. The only difference I feel is I'm getting more headaches but it may be from stress, through I'm also feeling some imbalance when I'm not walking.
In September, I had Mohs surgery on my left upper lip, which was supposed to be the size of a dime and turned out silver-dollar sized. Luckily, the plastic surgeon afterward closed it in a way that it hid most of the scar in my smile line, though it was a very painful procedure. In addition, I had more freezing of precancerous skin areas.
I also went to a bladder specialist and I'm now on a regimen of antibiotics, probiotics and cranberry pills, yet I still managed to get two bladder infections and my creatinine level has now jumped from 1.6 to 1.8. When I received my kidney, it was 1.0, which indicates perfect function. Over 2 is the beginning of kidney failure. They don't know why my function is not a good and they say we just have to keep watching it. I myself attribute it to the bladder infections because there's nothing else I'm doing differently.
More fun times are ahead. I definitely plan on going down to Florida for another visit soon. Since Selena is in the spare room, I will probably wait until Jordan goes out of town for a couple weeks. In the meantime I may look into flights to Colorado to visit Jeff.
My 43-year-old cousin Wendy (Mary's daughter), is having a baby girl next month. I look forward to going to visit the baby and bringing a personal gift when she arrives.
I also got an invitation for a kidney donor/recipient reception at the University of Chicago. It's a celebration with food and speakers, and my donor is going to speak at it. Tyler, Lindsey, Suzanne and I are all going.
Suzanne continues to be my chief, getting me to most of my appointments with help from a few other friends, who give her a little bit of a break. I am thankful to all who have helped me and listened to my complaining and/or just lent an ear.
Again, we now realize just how much Alyssa was loved and will be missed. The overwhelming support from everybody has gone above and beyond what we would have expected, and we are just so appreciative.
Yipee! I'm so happy to ring in the new year in. 2018 has got to be better! I'm wishing you all a happy and healthy one as well.
